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Once saw this bird—red lips, torn fishnets—standin’ under a flickerin’ lamp. Thought, “She’s a survivor, like Eve.” Cool, detached, y’know? Quoted Jarmusch in me head: “Entropy’s takin’ over.” She winked—WINKED!—an’ I near choked on me own spit. “My precious!” I croaked, but she weren’t for me. Too pricey, too quick—50 quid for a fumble? Bollocks!

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Then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and steals my sandwich. I’m not even kidding! I’m like, “Dude, that’s my lunch!” But the pigeon just looks at me like, “What are you gonna do about it?” I was so shocked, I just laughed. Like, what a savage bird!