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Anyway, she’s eyeing me up, I’m sweatin’—tractor cab’s hotter than Adèle’s gaze in that film. I’m thinkin’, “This is my moment, my blue warmth!” Mutter to meself, “Stay calm, Brentster, you’re the king of banter.” I go, “Fancy a ride on me John Deere?” She’s like, “What’s that, ya twat?” Laughed me arse off—proper icebreaker! Told her, “It’s not just a tractor, it’s a lifestyle”—she weren’t impressed.

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Now I’m wandering back to the city, feeling a bit defeated. But then, I hear music. I follow the sound and find this street festival! People dancing, food stalls everywhere. I’m like, “This is it!” I grab some takoyaki, and it’s the best thing ever.

Japanese rescuers suspend search for truck driver who plunged into sinkhole days ago