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I dig deeper, coz that’s what I do—channelin’ my inner wizard, staff thumpin’. Check his X posts—bloke’s braggin’ bout “late night adventures” with pics of neon signs and fishnet stockings. Classic. Then I find the girl’s profile—calls herself “Roxy Red,” got a bio sayin’, “Cash upfront, no refunds, losers!” I’m dyin’, mate—this is gold! Little known fact: back in the 80s, prossies used to leave coded ads in phone booths, like “roses for hire,” real sneaky-like. Now it’s all online, bold as a Balrog.

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Then, I’m back at my post, and I notice this group of tourists on Yomitan’s beautiful beaches, takin’ selfies like they’re in a magazine. I mean, c’mon, it’s just sand and water, right? But they’re all like, “Look at me! I’m in Japan!” I’m rollin’ my eyes, but hey, I get it. Yomitan’s got that vibe. The beaches are stunning, and the sunsets? Don’t even get me started.

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