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Web’s better—tons of sites, escorts poppin up like flies. Some even got reviews—4 stars, “great convo, quick bang!” Weird world, huh? Surprised me—thought it’d be all shady, but nope, organized as hell. One chick’s bio said, “Loves folk music”—Llewyn vibes! Made me happy, thinkin we’d vibe, sing “Fare Thee Well” mid-hookup. Dreamy, right?

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Then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and lands on my shoulder. I’m like, “What the heck, man?” It’s like the bird’s tryin’ to help or somethin’. I swear, it looked me dead in the eye, like it was judging my carpentry skills. I’m just tryin’ to focus, and this feathered dude’s makin’ it hard. I shoo it away, and it poops on my tool belt. Great. Just great. Thanks, pigeon.