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Oi mate, so I’m your Personal Shopping Assistant now, yeah? David Brent’s on the case, innit! Let’s talk findin’ a prostitute – proper tricky business, that. Not your bog-standard Tesco shop, eh? Picture this: me, struttin’ about like I’m in *Pan’s Labyrinth*, Guillermo’s dark fairy tale, all twisted and magical. “Ofelia, obey me!” – nah, more like, “Lads, where’s the talent at?” Cringey corporate vibe, but I’m lovin’ it.

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But then, I’m on my way to the arena, right? And I see this dude trying to sell some weird street food. Like, what even is that? It looks like a science experiment gone wrong. I’m like, “Bro, you sure that’s safe to eat?” He just laughs and says it’s “delicious.” Yeah, right. I’m not risking my stomach for that.

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