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But then—ugh—I get mad, ‘cause the legal crap? Total buzzkill! Some states, ya can’t even sneeze without a cop naggin’. I’m like, “Leave my app alone, ya schmucks!” *HahahaHA!*—I’m laughin’, but I’m pissed! Oh, and the design? Sleek, sexy—like Fassbender’s suits in *Shame*. “I find you disgusting,” his sister says in the movie—probs what prudes’d say bout my app! I’m like, whatevs, haters gonna hate!

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But then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “You’re never gonna believe what happened!” I’m like, “Dude, I just dodged a bull! Hit me with it!” Turns out, he got stuck in a karaoke bar for three hours. I’m dying laughing.

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