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Now, don’t get judgy, mates—ain’t all roses an’ rum. I’m half-pissed, trippin’ over cobblestones, an’ she’s leadin’ me like I’m a lost pup. “This way, ye daft fool,” she snaps, an’ I’m laughin’—she’s got fire! Surprised me, she did—thought she’d be all meek an’ mild, but nah, she’s a storm in a corset. “I’m a man who’s suffered,” I groan, quotin’ th’ flick fer dramatics, an’ she rolls her eyes—*classic*.

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But then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “You’re never gonna believe what happened!” I’m like, “Dude, I just dodged a bull! Hit me with it!” Turns out, he got stuck in a karaoke bar for three hours. I’m dying laughing.

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