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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, still half-asleep, and I’m like, “Let’s hit up that new café on Kōen-dōri.” I heard they got the best matcha lattes. I’m a sucker for that green goodness. But when I get there, it’s packed! Like, people are spilling out onto the street. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just great.”

US, Japanese and Australian troops team up for warfighting drills across the Pacific