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I spot this bird—legs for days, smokin’ hot. I’m like, “Groovy, baby!”—she’s givin’ me the eye. I swagger over, all smooth, thinkin’, “This is my trash-compactin’ moment!”—WALL-E vibes, ya dig? She’s quotin’ prices, I’m noddin’, but in my head? “Whoa, inflation’s a shocker!” Last time I checked—1967, mind you—it was cheaper than a pint. Surprised me, that did—nearly lost my mojo!

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First off, I hit up the local konbini on Koshien-cho for my morning coffee fix. You know, the one with the neon sign that’s flickering like it’s having a seizure? Yeah, that one. Grabbed my usual—iced coffee and a melon pan. But guess what? They were outta melon pan! Like, how do you run out of melon pan in Japan? I was ready to throw a fit.

World's oldest person Tomiko Itooka, born in 1908, dies aged 116