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Exaggerate? Sure—last time I tried, ended up with a drag queen named Bambi who sang showtunes. Swear to God, nearly threw my cane at her. Little-known fact: Amsterdam’s red-light district’s got windows like a damn zoo exhibit—girls tapping glass, winking. Felt like I was shopping for a pet shark. Personal quirk? I’d overanalyze—how many lies per minute can she spit? Everybody lies, but prostitutes? They’re Olympic gold at it. Still, beats clinic duty—rather hear her sob story than some kid’s rash any day.

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But then, guess what? My phone buzzed. It was my mom. She was like, “When are you coming home?” I was like, “Mom, I’m busy living my best life in Biratori!” She didn’t get it, of course. Classic mom.

Japan's indigenous people eye political power