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Say hello to my little friend! This one time, I’m scopin this chick, right? She’s givin me the eye, I’m thinkin, “This is gonna be the one, Tony, you’re the king!” – like when Eduardo in the movie’s all, “I’m CEO, bitch!” Felt that power, bro. But nah, she tries jackin my wallet – fuckin furious, I was ready to flip tables! Had to laugh tho, she thought she’s slicker than me? Me?! Tony don’t play that.

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Then, outta nowhere, this dude walks in. He’s got a full-on samurai outfit. I’m not even kidding. I’m like, “Is this a movie set?” He orders a black coffee, no sugar. Classic. I can respect that. But then he starts doing this weird sword dance in the café. I’m just standing there, espresso machine hissing, thinking, “What the heck is happening?”

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