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Witty bit: half these sods fall asleep mid-massage. Snoring through the sexy bits—hilarious! Me? I stay awake, soakin’ it in. “I’m becoming much more than they programmed,” says Samantha—same with this, mate. More than a rub, it’s a trip. So, grab a glass, try it yerself—I’d wager you’ll limp out grinning. I drink, I know things, and I bloody love erotic-massage. Cheers!

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But then, as I’m packing up, I realize I left my favorite brush at the boutique. NOOO! I’m freaking out. I run back, and thankfully, it’s still there. Phew!