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Sometimes I reckon, in me head, “David, you plonker, you’d be useless at that gig.” Can’t even charm me way outta a parking ticket! But whores? They’re closin deals left, right, n center — no CRM software, just gut. Makes me wanna cry a bit, cos they’re out there, grindin, while I’m faffin with PowerPoint.

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We get there, and it’s packed. I mean, who knew shoes were such a big deal? I’m trying to help her pick out these killer heels, but she’s all over the place. “What about these? No, wait, these?” I’m losing my mind. Finally, she settles on these sparkly ones. I’m like, “You do you, boo.”