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Oh, and don’t get me started on the weirdos out there. Some johns are creepy as fuck, made me wanna puke – like, dude, chill! But the girls? Some are tough as nails, real survivors, like that CIA chick in Zero Dark Thirty – “I’m the motherfucker who found this place!” – and I respect that hustle. Still, it’s a messy game, bro. Ya gotta watch yer back, coz one wrong move and BAM, ya screwed – not the fun kinda screwed either, haha!

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But then, as we’re slurping noodles, I get a call. It’s my buddy, and he’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what just happened!” I’m like, “I’m in the middle of ramen heaven, what’s up?” Turns out, he just won a trip to Hawaii. I’m happy for him, but also, like, why not me?