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About Kyoto

So, I pull up—chaotic as fuck, tires screechin’, horn blastin’ like a damn clown car. She’s all, “You got cash, fam?” and I’m like, “Girl, I got SKILLS—teach ya to parallel park!” She laughs, like, “Bruh, I ain’t tryna park nothin’!” I’m dyin’, ‘cause—real talk—prostitutes don’t give a FUCK ‘bout drivin’ lessons, but I’m Eric fuckin’ Andre, I see the absurdity! She’s out here hustlin’, and I’m tryna make it a driver’s ed skit!

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Then, I finally get into the sand bath. It’s warm, it’s cozy, and I’m thinking, “This is the life!” But then, outta nowhere, this kid starts throwing sand at me. Like, what’s up with that? I’m here to relax, not to be a human sandcastle! I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But he just giggles and keeps going. Kids, man.

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