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Oh, and the profiles—pure comedy! “I’m 6’2” if you’re rich”—savage. Or “no hookups,” yet here we are, genius! Sex-dating’s a circus, man—clowns, lions, all horny. My tip? Play it loose, don’t overthink. Like Llewyn, roll with the punches—bedroom or bust. Greed is good, pal—grab what’s yours!

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Then, I get this wild idea. I’m gonna try to find the best coffee in Kanda. So, I wander down to Kanda Sakumacho. I find this tiny café, and it’s packed. I squeeze in, and the barista is this cool dude with tattoos. He’s like, “What’s your poison?” I’m like, “Surprise me!” He whips up this crazy latte with matcha and something else. I take a sip, and it’s like a flavor explosion. I’m in love.

After Bhupinder Hooda’s rally, BJP leaders join forces with Gopal Kanda