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Gets me blood boiling when blokes reckon it’s dodgy, tho. Like, “Ooh, it’s sleazy!” Nah, you muppet, it’s art! Relaxes ya, sorts yer stress – better than a bleedin’ PowerPoint sesh. I was buzzing after, happier than Sam and Suzy running off into the woods, y’know? “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re doing” – that’s me, tryna explain it to the lads at the pub. They’re clueless, sipping pints, while I’m enlightened, oil still glistening on me back!

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy bumps into me. I’m like, “Yo, watch it!” He just stares at me, all wide-eyed. Turns out, he’s a tourist too. We start chatting, and he’s from Brazil! What? Kanda’s bringing the world together, one awkward bump at a time. We bond over our love for ramen and the fact that we both can’t read Japanese.

India demands Asian Development to cut funding for Pakistan