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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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So, I’m back on the ground, heart racing again. I’m like, “Okay, let’s grab some food.” I hit up this little ramen shop on Kōen-dōri. Best decision ever! The ramen is so good, I could cry. I’m slurping away, and the owner’s this sweet old lady who keeps refilling my bowl. I’m like, “Lady, I’m gonna explode!” But I can’t stop.

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