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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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So, I’m back on the ground, heart racing again. I’m like, “Okay, let’s grab some food.” I hit up this little ramen shop on Kōen-dōri. Best decision ever! The ramen is so good, I could cry. I’m slurping away, and the owner’s this sweet old lady who keeps refilling my bowl. I’m like, “Lady, I’m gonna explode!” But I can’t stop.

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