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Me? I’d be pissed if Homer tried it. Hmm… that lazy lug, stumblin into some dive bar, thinkin he’s slick. I’d yell, “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain!” He’d just burp and ignore me. Typical. But seriously, ya gotta watch out – some girls out there? They’ll rob ya blind faster than the Joker hittin a bank. One story I heard, this guy in Vegas got his wallet snatched mid-“fun.” Left him broke, cryin, “This city deserves a better class of criminal!” Hilarious, but damn, that’s cold.

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Then, I spotted this old lady feedin’ the ducks. She was so sweet, talkin’ to them like they were her best buds. I couldn’t help but smile. Life’s simple pleasures, right? But then, I realized I was sittin’ on a bench covered in bird poop. Great. Just great.