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Me? I’d be skulkin’, peekin’ at X posts, diggin’ for dirt. We swears! Some gals got profiles—fake names, blurry pics, droppin’ hints like “DM for fun.” Saw one call herself “Golden Fang”—ha! Straight outta the flick, that boat smugglin’ dope and dames. Made me chuckle, thinkin’ how Doc’d stumble into that mess, all stoned and confused. “Where’s Shasta at?” he’d mumble, while I’m over here, mad as hell—half these posts are scams! Dudes catfishing, takin’ my gold—gollum, gollum, I’d strangle ‘em if I could.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the Nayoro River. It’s so pretty there, especially in the morning light. I was just vibing, listening to the water flow, when BAM! A giant crow swoops down and snatches my onigiri! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I mean, I know crows are smart, but this was next level. I was mad, but also kinda impressed.

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