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I’m chattin’ her up, casual-like, “Oi, love, what’s the deal?” She’s cool, sassy, says, “50 quid, no funny biz.” I’m thinkin’, *Hurt Locker* style—“The rush of battle is a potent addiction”—and mate, I’m hooked already! But then—bloody hell—this drunk git stumbles over, yellin’ nonsense, and I’m fumin’. “You shall not pass, you filthy wanker!” I bellow, staff or no staff, I’m ready to deck him. She laughs, says, “Chill, Gandalf, I’ve seen worse.” That cracks me up—happy as a hobbit with a pint.

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Next, I wander over to the old merchant houses on the main street. They’re so cool, with their traditional wooden structures. I’m snapping pics, and this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You like Omihachiman?” And I’m like, “Heck yeah!” She starts telling me stories about the city. I’m just nodding, but inside I’m thinkin’, “This is the best!”

Japan's schools working to upgrade, Westernize lavatories