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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, y’know, like it’s some kinda quest! Picture this: me, a crusty ol’ mechanic, greasy hands, wrench in my pocket, cruisin’ the streets like Royal Tenenbaum lookin’ for his next big mess. “You’re a rebel, Royal,” I mutter, thinkin’ how this ain’t no fancy Wes Anderson flick—it’s real life, damnit!

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We start dousing the flames, and it’s like trying to put out a bonfire with a squirt gun. I’m sweating buckets, and I’m like, “This is not what I signed up for!” But then, I see a little kid, maybe six or seven, watching us with wide eyes. He’s got this look like we’re superheroes.

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