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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ bout whores, yeah, you heard me! Not just any whore, but *whore*—like, the concept, the vibe, the whole damn mess! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “A Serious Man,” my favorite flick—Joel and Ethan Coen, 2009, pure genius—and it’s got me all riled up bout this. Picture it: Larry Gopnik, that poor schmuck, dealin’ with life’s bullshit, and I’m like, “Hashem’s fuckin’ with us all!” Whores fit right in that chaos, dontcha think?

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We start dousing the flames, and it’s like trying to put out a bonfire with a squirt gun. I’m sweating buckets, and I’m like, “This is not what I signed up for!” But then, I see a little kid, maybe six or seven, watching us with wide eyes. He’s got this look like we’re superheroes.

Figure 1. Time series of the River Otofuke in Hokkaido, Japan. Dikes...