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So, anyway, I’m chattin up this bird—red hair, curves like a Dornish coastline. She’s all, “What’s yer fancy, love?” and I’m like, “Fancy’s you, obviously.” Got a laugh outta her—felt like a king, I did. Reminded me o’ that line, “Loyalty is a rare commodity”—she stuck round for a chat after, no extra charge. Rare as unicorn shit, that.

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But then, the night took a turn. We were walking back, and I saw this stray cat. It was the cutest thing ever! I’m talking big eyes, fluffy tail. I bent down to pet it, and it just looked at me like, “What do you want, human?” I was smitten. But then, it hissed at me! Like, rude! I was just trying to be nice!

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