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About Kobe

Alright, listen up, ya knuckleheads! I’m an actuary in Russia, crunchin’ numbers like a boss, but lemme tell ya bout somethin’ wild—findin’ a prostitute ‘round here. It’s like huntin’ for bin Laden in *Zero Dark Thirty*, ya know? “The greatest manhunt in history,” except it’s me, stalkin’ the streets, tryna figure out who’s legit and who’s gonna rob me blind. Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’—I ain’t that dumb!

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But here’s the kicker. I get there, and the line is wrapped around the block! I’m standing there, fuming. Like, c’mon, people! It’s just a burger! But then I see this cute dog, and I’m like, “Aww, okay, I can chill.” Dogs make everything better, right?

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