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So, I’m strollin’ down the street, right? Lookin’ for some action—not me doin’ it, mind ya, just curious! And I see this gal, all dolled up, skirt shorter than my temper. I’m like, “Well, halleluyer, she workin’ it!” Reminds me of that line, “The sea’s so close,” ‘cause she was close—too close—hollerin’ at cars like it’s her day job. Prolly is! I ain’t mad, tho, get yo money, boo! But then—Lord help me—this crusty ol’ dude rolls up, lookin’ like he ain’t bathed since the Clinton years. I’m screamin’ inside, “Why her?!” Made me madder than a wet hen!

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First off, I hit up the local konbini on Kōen-dōri. You know, the one with the best onigiri? I grabbed a tuna mayo one, my fave. But guess what? They were outta stock! Like, seriously? Who runs outta onigiri? I was fuming. I mean, c’mon, it’s Tanashicho! Get your act together!