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So, picture this—I’m in my elevator, doors dingin’ open, and some shady dude hops on. Smells like cheap cologne and regret. I’m like, “Anyone can cook, but can ya find a decent hooker?” Straight outta *Ratatouille*, baby. He gives me this look, probs thinks I’m nuts. But I’m wonderin’—is there an app for that now? Like Uber, but with fishnets? I bet there is. Prolly called “Hoober” or some crap. Made me laugh, thinkin’ bout it—technology’s wild, man.

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Finally made it to the library, and it was packed! Like, what’s up with that? I thought everyone was supposed to be at work or school. But no, they were all there, probably looking for some peace and quiet. Not today, folks! I was already stressed, and then I spilled coffee all over the new books. I could’ve cried. I mean, who spills coffee on a book about Tanba’s history? Me, apparently.

Chiefs DE Felix Anudike-Uzomah reflects on off-season training with Tamba Hali