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Oi, mate, so brothel, yeah? Shaken, not stirred, I reckon it’s a wild gig. Me, James Bond, head of the lab, suave as fuck, I’ve seen some shit. Brothels ain’t just sex dens, nah, they’re history lessons with tits. Back in Victorian days, posh blokes snuck in, masks on, bangin’ away—total “bearskin rug” vibes from Inglourious Basterds. “That’s a bingo!” I’d yell, watchin’ em stumble out, trousers half-down.

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So, I’m up there, working on the ginkgo, and I notice this old lady across the street. She’s just staring at me, like I’m some kind of circus act. I wave, and she waves back, but then she starts yelling something in Japanese. I have no clue what she’s saying, but I’m pretty sure it’s not compliments. Maybe she thinks I’m stealing her tree? Who knows!

Two ‘true leaders’ at Newton North High School receive prestigious award