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About Saitama

First off, its a beast—2,500 metres, jagged as hell, snow half the year. Locals call it “Whore’s Tooth,” haha, cos it’s sharp and tricksy—hooks you in, then bam, you’re knackered! Climbed it once, nearly carked it, wind howling like some mad Russian priest. Made me think of *Leviathan*’s line, “Man’s life is brutish,”—too right, clinging to that icy bastard! Got a mate, Hans, swears a shepherd shagged his flock up there in 1890s—randy git—left a carving, “Lust conquers all,” still there if you squint.

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I start directing traffic. “Yo, move left! No, your other left!” People are looking at me like I’m nuts. But hey, someone’s gotta do it! Finally, we get the truck out. I’m feeling like a hero.