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In the end, I toss her a 20 just to shut up, tell her, “Keep the change, I’m out.” Walked outta there mutterin, “I hate everything,” but kinda chucklin too—screw it, it’s a story, right? Like *Inception*, ya never know what’s real til ya wake up—or til the tab’s paid. Findin a prostitute? Overrated, messy, and I’d rather grill a steak than deal with that circus again.

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Later, I decide to grab lunch at this little joint on Uonuma Road. Best ramen ever! I’m slurping away, and this old guy next to me starts chatting. He’s telling me about the history of Uonuma. Did you know it’s famous for its sake? I mean, I love a good drink, but I had no idea! He’s going on about the rice and how it’s the best in Japan. I’m nodding, but inside, I’m like, “Dude, I just want my ramen!”

Niigata freeway finally reopens after 3 days on night of Dec. 19