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But here’s the kicker—findin’ a prostitute ain’t just walkin’ and pickin’. Nah, it’s a game, man! You gotta read ‘em, dodge the fakes—some’ll rob ya blind. One time, this gal tried slippin’ my wallet—jokes on her, I ate her pride with a side of chianti! Okay, not really, but I scared her off good. “You’re all alone, aren’t you?” I said, quotin’ Royal—worked like a charm.

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Finally, the lights flicker back on, and I’m ready to dive back into the numbers. But then, I hear a commotion outside. I peek out the window on Kōen-dōri, and there’s a parade! A freakin’ parade!

Rights groups hounding horse festivals over abuse issues