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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Lars von Trier’s gloomy vibes—“Everything’s goin’ to hell!”—and here I am, chattin’ up some gal who prolly knows more tricks than Mr. Burns has tax evasions. Did ya know, back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde? Weird, right? Stand out or somethin’. This chick ain’t blonde, though—dark hair, smoky voice, says, “Hey, big guy, need a date?” D’oh! I’m flattered, angry, scared—all at once! Marge’d kill me faster than that planet smashes Earth!

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After that, I had a meeting with some clients. They wanted to chat about my webcam biz. We met at this café on Kawai Street. Super cozy, but the Wi-Fi was slower than a snail on a lazy day. I’m trying to show them my work, and the connection keeps dropping. I’m sweating bullets! Like, “Please, just let me show you the goods!” Finally, it worked, and they loved it. Phew! Happy dance time!

In rural Japan, a pilgrimage site is now a Holocaust museum, with complications