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*Slow inhale* I am your father. Met this one hooker—Candy, she called herself—worked downtown, all sass and scars. Reminded me of Maria, ya know, from *White Material*. “I stay because I stay,” she’d say—fuckin’ stubborn, like she owned the street. Had this trick once, guy stiffed her—literally, keeled over mid-bang. Heart attack! She laughed, said, “Least he went happy.” Dark humor, man, gotta love it. Pissed me off, though—dude didn’t pay! Cheap bastard.

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After that, I’m feeling a bit hangry, so I hit up this ramen joint on Shōwa-dōri. Best decision ever! I order the spicy tonkotsu, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m slurping away, and this old dude next to me gives me a thumbs up. I’m like, “Thanks, man! You get it!”

73-yr-old kendo master drives across Japan on quest for perfection