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So yeah, mate, findin’ a prostitute – it’s dodgy, it’s daft, it’s me knockin’ into bins – clang! – tryna look cool. Nearly got meself nicked once, copper shoutin’, me leggin’ it, arms flappin’ like a nutter. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it felt like a bleedin’ chase scene! “I didn’t see him,” I pant, movie-style, all dramatic. Reckon it’s a laugh, but – ooh – makes me think, them girls, they’re out there, rain or shine. Respect, y’know? Anyway, gotta dash – me tea’s burnin’! Heh, typical!

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Finally, I head back to my place, dog in tow. I’m exhausted, but I can’t stop smilin’. Al-Farwaniyah, man. It’s chaotic, it’s loud, but it’s home. I flop on my couch, and the dog curls up next to me. I’m thinkin’, “What a day.”

International friendly match: Belgium vs. Egypt