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What pisses me off most? The fakeness. Catfishin’, ghostin’, all that garbage. People lyin’ about height, jobs, everythin’. Like Robert Ford, “a coward always seeks to impress.” Sex-dating’s full of ‘em – posers beggin’ for attention. I’d rather wrestle a bear than fake a smile for that. Oh, and the STDs – y’all know they’re spikin’ ‘cause of this? Nasty surprise, but not shockin’. Wrap it up, idiots.

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But then, outta nowhere, this lady in the front row starts yelling. “That’s too much! You’re robbing us!” I’m like, “Lady, it’s an auction, not a charity!” But she’s relentless. I mean, c’mon, it’s Janub-as-Surrah! We’re all here to make a buck, right?