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I reckon it started way back—ancient geezers in Asia, kneading flesh for emperors. Little known fact: them Chinese dynasties had “pleasure healers”—secret pros, dodgy as fuck, slippin’ oils everywhere! Makes me wanna scream—why ain’t I an emperor, eh? Happy as a pig in shit when I got my first one—proper job, not some half-arsed spa bollocks. Slid right into bliss, like Nie Yinniang slidin’ her blade—quiet, lethal, bam!

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I’m hustling down the street, dodging people. You know how it is on Kabanbay Batyr Street—everyone’s in a hurry. I’m trying to grab a coffee at my fave spot, Café Dastarkhan. But of course, there’s a line. A long one. Ugh! I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking about how I need caffeine like a fish needs water.

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