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So, this one time, matched with a lass—total stunner. Bio said “loves adventure,” thought I’d struck gold. Turns out, her “adventure” was nicking my wallet while I pissed. Fumin’, I was! But then, next night, met this cheeky bird—proper fit. We hit it off, banter flowin’ like the Thames. She says, “You’re mine, all mine!”—straight outta Nemo, made me chuckle. Sex-dating’s a minefield, innit? One sec you’re dodgin’ creeps, next you’re divin’ into somethin’ lush.

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Then, I hit up the market on the corner of Landstrasse. Fresh fruits everywhere! I’m talking juicy apples, sweet pears, and these crazy-looking berries. I grabbed a bunch, but then this old lady bumped into me. I spilled my berries all over the cobblestones. I was like, “Seriously?!” She just laughed and said, “Better luck next time, dear.” I mean, thanks for the support, lady.

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