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Once saw this advert—blimey!—escort promising “girlfriend vibes,” cost me a tenner to imagine it! Fell off me bed laughin’, picturin’ me payin’ for cuddles—pathetic, eh? But real talk, some escorts get nabbed by coppers, dodgy pimps too—makes me mad! “I want to scream,” like the movie geezer, ‘cos it’s grim, innit? Still, some punters say it’s ace—bit of fun, no strings. Me? I’d probly spill tea on ‘em—oops!—then run off gigglin’!

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But then, the day took a turn. I was walking back home, feeling all warm and fuzzy, when I saw a group of tourists. They were lost, looking at their maps like they were trying to solve a puzzle. I couldn’t help it. I walked over and said, “Need a hand?” They looked so relieved! I ended up giving them a mini tour. We hit up the Ruggeller Park, and they were snapping pics like crazy.

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