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What gets me goat, tho? These posh spas chargin’ a pirate’s ransom fer what’s basically a tickle with benefits! Fifty quid fer an hour o’ “ooh, that’s the spot”? I’d rather wrestle a kraken, aye! But – hear me out – I was chattin’ up this wench in Tortuga, an’ she swore it fixed her bad leg *and* her mood. Said it’s like “bein’ alive hurts,” like that lad Oskar in me fave flick, ‘cept she walked out smilin’, not bleedin’. Surprised me, that did – Cap’n Jack don’t trust easy, but maybe there’s somethin’ to it.

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After that, I wandered over to the Hauptstrasse. It’s the main street, full of shops and stuff. I was just window shopping, ya know? Then I bumped into my buddy, Max. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he told me he saw a guy in a chicken suit dancing in front of the post office. Like, what? Only in Schaan, right?

Richard Schaan