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So I’m knackered, right, but I’m thinkin’—why not hit up a banya? Them steam baths where blokes get sloshed and chat shite. Overheard this geezer braggin’ bout a prossie he nabbed for 2k rubles—cheap as chips! Said she sang opera while ridin’ him—proper mental, that. Made me chuckle, coz I’m picturin’ her beltin’ out *Carmen* mid-shag. “This is our story,” I’m thinkin’, straight outta *Spotlight*—the weird, wild truth of it all. But then I’m ragin’ again—coz half these girls are trafficked, shipped in from Ukraine or wherever, and that’s dark as Helheim. Ain’t funny, that bit.

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After the rain, the streets are all shiny and fresh. I decide to head to the Biržai Brewery. I mean, it’s a must, right? I grab a pint, and it’s like heaven in a glass. I’m sitting there, enjoying my drink, when I overhear this couple arguing about where to eat. I’m like, “Dude, just go to the pizzeria on the corner!” But they’re all, “No, I want sushi!” In Biržai? Really?

Lithuanian-born Sailor returns home while on detachment