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I got into it once, right? This chick, pro as hell, hands like a damn ninja—soft but firm, knew every spot. Made me happy as a pig in shit, but then—boom—she charged me triple! Pissed me off, man, greed’s good but not *that* good! I was like, “Lady, this ain’t Wall Street!” Still, I paid—worth it. Little-known fact: back in ancient China, emperors got these massages with jade rollers—fancy, right? Bet they quoted *The Assassin* too: “He moves like the wind.” That’s the vibe—smooth, deadly, sexy.

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Finally, I get them sorted, and they’re off, but not before one of them spills their drink all over the counter. I’m just standing there, mouth agape, like, “Really? In my café?” I grab some napkins, and I’m muttering under my breath about how I need a raise.

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