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Folks, lemme tell ya—findin’ a prostitute, it’s a wild ride. Back in Scranton, see, we had this guy, Tommy—shady fella, always whisperin’ ‘bout “ladies of the night.” Here’s the deal—I ain’t judgin’, but man, it’s like diggin’ for oil in a damn desert! Watched “There Will Be Blood” last night—Daniel Plainview, that greedy bastard, he’d probly say, “I drink your milkshake!” to the whole damn red-light district. Made me laugh, thinkin’ bout it—some poor schmuck hagglin’ prices while I’m over here, sippin’ coffee, yellin’ at the TV.

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After that, I decide to take a stroll by the river. The Daugava is looking all pretty, and I’m feeling good. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, chasing a soccer ball. He kicks it, and it goes straight into the river. I’m like, “RIP, ball.” But the kid just shrugs and runs off. Kids these days, man.