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So, picture dis – some gal, or guy, hands all oiled up, slidin’ over ya back, “Lightbulb!” – tension gone, poof! It’s not just rubbin’, nah, it’s art, like dem fancy painters, but wit skin. I seen it once, sneaky-like, in prison – contraband massage, ha! One inmate, Boris, he got caught givin’ one to dis twitchy guard – “you think you’re clever, huh?” – straight outta “Leviathan”, dat vibe. Guard was pissed, red face, but Boris? Smirkin’, happy as pig in mud!

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So, I’m walking along, and I bump into my buddy Jānis. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s telling me about this time he tried to fish in the river. “Caught a boot!” he says, laughing. I’m like, “Dude, you’re not even trying!” But we both crack up.