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About Soroca

Favorite thing? The slang whores invented—ever hear “claptrap”? Old-school for STDs, ‘cause it’d “clap” ya ass shut. Hella dark, hella funny. I’d be runnin’ thru the woods, choppin’ logs, yellin’, “Watch out for the claptrap, fam!” Shit’s wild. Oh, and—personal quirk—I’d totally ask a whore for life advice. Bet she’d say some shit like Wanda: “You’re a funny kind of saint.” Deep, yo. Exaggeratin’ for drama? Picture me, Lumberjack, in a bar, screamin’, “WHORE’S THE REAL MVP!” while Ida’s playin’ in the background, silent as fuck.

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Then, I decide to head over to the market on Strada Vasile Alecsandri. You know, the one that’s always buzzing with people? I’m walking, and I see this old lady selling fresh veggies. She’s got the best tomatoes, I swear! But then, this kid runs by, and BAM! He knocks over her whole stand. I’m like, “Dude, what’s wrong with you?” The lady just laughs it off, but I’m fuming. Like, how can you be so careless?

BASARABEASCA MAYOR TRANSFERRED UNDER HOUSE ARREST, BUT WILL REMAIN IN PRISON UNTIL APRIL 16