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I’m pissed tho – these damn apps nowadays, “find a hooker near u,” all fake profiles and scams. Gimme a break! Whatever happened to good ol’ street hustle? Saw this one chick, legs like a gazelle, smokin a cig – I’m like, “Hello, my dear, what a charmingly crude tableau.” Straight outta Hannibal’s playbook, ya feel me? She looks at me, smirks, says, “50 bucks, creep.” I laughed – bold as brass, this one! Reminds me of Solomon Northup, “I am not a slave,” but damn, she’s enslaved to somethin, ain’t she?

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But then, I spot a cute girl across the room. She’s laughing with her friends, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe this day isn’t a total bust.” I muster up some courage and go over. We start chatting, and it turns out she’s into the same nerdy stuff I am. We bond over our love for statistics and how crazy the weather is. Who knew I could find a potential date in a rainstorm?

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