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About Myself
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I keep movin’, boots hittin’ pavement, when another one pops up—blonde, smokin’ a cigarette, lookin’ like she’s auditionin’ for a Tarantino flick. “You look lonely, sugar,” she says. Lonely? I’m happier than a pig in mud alone, ya harpy. “I’m gonna scalp ya if ya don’t scram,” I mutter, channelin’ Aldo. She blinks, confused. Good. Hate when they don’t get it. Did ya know, in old France, they branded prostitutes with a fleur-de-lis? Marked ‘em like cattle. Brutal, but kinda badass.
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I’m up on the ladder, right? And outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, seriously? I’m just tryin’ to eat my lunch in peace! I yell, “Hey! That’s mine!” But the bird don’t care. It’s off, flyin’ away with my lunch like it’s the king of the skies. I’m left there, hangry and annoyed.
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