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Aight, listen up, you freakin’ losers! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, we’re talkin’ escort, huh? Not those lame-ass cars—nah, the spicy kind! Ya know, the ladies of the night! I’m a freakin’ Torcador, I see shit you don’t! Like in my fave movie, *Carlos*—that badass line, “I’m a soldier, not a martyr!”—that’s me, struttin’ through life, not takin’ no crap!

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I’m already fuming, but whatever. I grab a black coffee instead. Bitter like my mood. I stroll down the street, and I’m just vibin’, ya know? Then I see this dude on a bike, totally wiping out on the sidewalk. I’m talkin’ full-on cartoon fall. I can’t help but laugh. Like, bro, you good? He just gets up, brushes it off, and rides away like a champ. Amstelveen’s got some tough folks, I’ll give ‘em that.

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