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Oh, and get this—she’s loud, screamin’ about her ex. “He’s a pig!” she yells. I’m dyin’, laughin’ so hard I spill gin. Reminds me of Béla Tarr’s long-ass shots—endless, messy, real. She’s no angel, dahling, but who is? I’m happy seein’ her own it—whore power! Still, I’m ragin’—why’s she gotta trash my bar with drama? “Calm yer tits!” I wanna scream. But nah, I just pour more booze. She’s a tornado, and I’m swept up.

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Now I’m mad. I mean, who lets their dog run wild like that? I look around for the owner, and there’s this guy just laughing. I’m like, “Dude, your dog just ruined my day!” He shrugs and says, “Dogs will be dogs.” I’m like, “Yeah, but I’m not a dog!”

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