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So here’s the deal, bud. Findin’ a prostitute ain’t like orderin’ a dang pizza. You don’t just Google “hooker near me” and bam, she’s knockin’. Nah, it’s gritty, man! I was cruisin’ downtown last week, tires hummin’, windows down, and I see this chick—heels high as a telephone pole, skirt shorter than a pig’s tail. I’m like, “Well, there’s somethin’ you don’t see every day!” Kinda made me happy, ya know? A little action in this boring-ass town!

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When I got there, I saw this whole crowd gathered. People were filming it like it was some kind of reality show. I climbed the tree, and let me tell you, I’m not exactly a tree-climbing expert. I was like a squirrel on roller skates. But I finally got Mr. Whiskers down, and the crowd cheered! I felt like a hero for a hot second.

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